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So, I set a goal for myself: An insane challenge to beat The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt in under 1 month. Part 3: Personal context and character. Whoops, never mind. The books suck. Though, at least I now understand why Gerry constantly narrates to himself in the game: he does it all the time in the book. So why was this an “insane challenge?” Because it was a personal challenge. I typically play around 300 video games a year and yes, I am aware of how insane that seems. Usually, this means a game has to be exceptionally well made or fun to hold my attention for more than a few hours. I get bored easily. In truth, my 2 cohorts, Jo Stizzy and Rob had already beaten Witcher 3 and since I started in December, I wanted to bum-rush though the game before year’s end. So, why don’t I agree with them that it’s Game of the Year materiel? We have to go back to my play-through of The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. A middling-to-enjoyable action RPG, with goofy combat systems...

So, I set a goal for myself: An insane challenge to beat The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt in under 1 month. Part 2; Sex, drugs, dodge and roll I’ve finally found some fun. In the game’s first major city, Noveria, shrinking down the map size, moving gameplay into the town streets and indoors, makes this more of a manageable RPG. Open-world as a gaming term has gotten out of control. Skyrim , at least, allowed you to fast-travel from anywhere outdoors. Dragon Age Inquisition , at least, had pithy party dialogue in between camps. The Witcher 3 has Gerry riding or running for miles and miles hoping to stumble upon a signpost. I’ve finally figured out the trick to combat: the crossbow. Roll away, shoot bolt. Roll away, shoot bolt. This turns every fight into a dance macabre, plunking away 5 damage at a time. Load up on potions and food. Meditate after every fight to avoid spending resources. Soon your inventory will be 50% raw meat and 50% water. Now you are the Wild...

So, I set a goal for myself: An insane challenge to beat The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt in under 1 month. Part 1: Holy shit, do I not care about your backstory. The characters are awful. The dialogue is terrible. Mumbly main guy Gerry just doesn’t give a fuck about anything. This makes the game so uninteresting to both play and watch. Skipping the dialogue and cut-scenes crashed the game. How much bias am I bringing back from the problems with the prequel: Assassins of Free Time? A lot. Perhaps I shouldn't have bought this game. But I’ll be the dissenting opinion because everyone is tripping over themselves to praise this thing. I’m a natural hipster: if a thing is popular, I question why. If a thing is not popular, I question why not. I care about personal experiences rather than letting someone else dictate all opinions. Thrust, parry, dodge, spin, drink water, and eat bread. The combat is the clumsiest thing I’ve seen since Buldur’s Fucking ...