The Witcher 3 part 3

So, I set a goal for myself: An insane challenge to beat The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt in under 1 month.

Part 3: Personal context and character.

Whoops, never mind. The books suck. Though, at least I now understand why Gerry constantly narrates to himself in the game: he does it all the time in the book.

So why was this an “insane challenge?” Because it was a personal challenge. I typically play around 300 video games a year and yes, I am aware of how insane that seems. Usually, this means a game has to be exceptionally well made or fun to hold my attention for more than a few hours. I get bored easily.

In truth, my 2 cohorts, Jo Stizzy and Rob had already beaten Witcher 3 and since I started in December, I wanted to bum-rush though the game before year’s end. So, why don’t I agree with them that it’s Game of the Year materiel?

We have to go back to my play-through of The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings.

A middling-to-enjoyable action RPG, with goofy combat systems and an over-reliance on potion and oils. Paint-by-numbers fantasy with elves, dwarves and such. Hunting monsters for money, helping sorceresses, all standard fare.

Until you join up with an army, a man named Vernon Roche and his lieutenant, a young woman named Ves.

Gerry and Ves take a liking to each other, and if the player so chooses, they can have sex after a few combat engagements with the enemy. Of course, I took this option, as most of what I did in Witcher 2 was play dice-poker, bet on fist-fights and spend all my money in a brothel/party tent.

The story progress and soon you meet the king of the land, who the developers at CD Projekt Red go out of their way to make this guy act like a dick. They try way too hard. The king later confronts Gerry and Vern and tells them in grisly detail (and accompanying cut scene) about how he trapped, cornered, and sexually assaulted Ves. Despite being a battle-hardened warrior, she is still overpowered by this man. No rape is actually shown on screen, but the way the king just goes on about it, it builds cheap heat.

Then you the player are given the option to immediately enact revenge by killing said king. Vernon tries to stop you, warning about political ramifications, as if any sane person could give a fuck at this point. If you don’t kill the king and just walk away, the game actually awards you an achievement, a cool 30 Gamerscore for not taking vengeance for your friend. Isn’t that great? Don’t you feel so special?

This is the point when I stopped giving a fuck about anything in The Witcher universe.  

So, back to 3: Wild Hunt.

You meet up with Vern and Ves again, except Ves is practically a non-character in this game. The devs have changed her model, removed some tattoos, her whole attitude has soured and perhaps worst of all, there’s no real dialogue between her and Gerry. A throwaway line from Gerry to Vern says about an assassination quest: “So, this king you wanna kill?” That’s all the reference to the last game you get.

The Witcher 3 sucks because every character sucks, not just main guy Geralt. It’s impossible to care about anyone or their motivations. A well-made game with plenty to do but nothing to care about. Real game of the fucking year there.

I’ve got one more essay to do after the New Year. It won’t be as depressing as this one, I hope. The final adventures of the least important main character of all.